Better is the sight of the eyes than the wandering of the appetite.
Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content.
I heard her whine at 5am. I hissed, “Hush up, you!” and rolled over, hoping she would just go back to sleep. Her whine turned into a low moan. If I didn’t get up, she would start barking, and wake the whole house up. Reluctantly I got up and let her outside, knowing that wasn’t really what she wanted. She looked up at me with her big, brown, hound dog eyes, and I knew that she just wanted to come crawl in bed with us. But brand new carpet, a house for sale, and a dog in the bedroom just don’t mix. “I’m sorry, baby. You’re going to have to be content with sleeping in the laundry room for a while longer.” I smirked at my choice of words – looks like discontentment is plaguing more than just my heart here in our home.
Some days it feeds on my soul like an unwelcome guest, yet I open the door every time it comes knocking. With it comes unhappy, unthankful thoughts that roll over my spirit like giant waves kicked up by a hurricane, relentless and destructive. I live with malcontent, and for reasons I have yet to understand, I hold on to it like it’s something precious. I’m not thinking of any one instance right now. Just daily, consistent grumbling in my heart:
Why in the world do they need that?
Seriously, I could do so much if I only had half of what they have.
Good night Irene, could this house be any smaller?
I can’t believe they’re getting another one of those.
Why did we make that decision again?
I wonder if they can do anything quietly.
Biblically, it seems that contentment mainly deals with stuff. It’s being satisfied with what the Lord has given. Trusting that it’s enough. For my own use, I have to expand that definition to deal with more than just stuff…it’s about my attitude toward situations, and people. I have to realize that discontentment is an utter refusal to trust the Lord. It’s doubting His good hand, His good shepherding, and His love and care for me. It’s choosing to grumble, against Him.
So lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about intentionality. In the midst of my days, which often feel thrown together, people who are intentional, purposeful, thoughtful about the way they do things just impress me. The thought struck me that I can be intentional about contentment. I can choose to live satisfied. I can choose to trust that the Lord is working things out for my ultimate good, and His glory. I can decide that what He’s given is enough. Every. Single Time.
On a simpler level, I can just laugh when the noise starts again (my husband and children adore Irish music. Me, not so much.), or go out on an errand or a walk around the block, alone, if I’m in a place where I just can’t laugh. I can choose to be content, and I can decide to find contentment, especially when it seems hard to come by.
Father, contentment is a difficult thing for me. I hate that. I hate that I am not one of those who just delights in enough – hate that I constantly desire more, other, different. It’s offensive. Forgive me, and help me to see the joy, the wonderful gift, in the enough You’ve given. Help me to choose contentment, every single time. And when I don’t, let me see it and repent. Because You have given enough…and SO much more.
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